


Restoration of The Heart

by silasfinch



Category: Portrait de la jeune fille en feu | Portrait of a Lady on Fire (2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Artists, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Falling In Love, Gen, Gentleness, Grief/Mourning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24069865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silasfinch/pseuds/silasfinch
Summary: Marianne is a  paintings conservator who is working to take over his father's art studio.She has the responsibility of restoring the Countess Bridgette Laurent's family art pieces.Falling in love with her stubborn daughter is no part of the plan, they are both broken.Love has other plans.Chapter III: The Portrait Of A New Family
Relationships: Héloïse/Marianne (Portrait of a Lady on Fire)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 110





	1. Portrait of A New Relationship

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AnnNette](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnNette/gifts), [silver_greystorms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/silver_greystorms/gifts), [poco_piano](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poco_piano/gifts).



> I had a rough week at work couldn't resist writing in the modern era.  
> I know a little bit about conservation (a YouTube fascination) and family friends but feel free to correct.  
> There may be more chapters if I can get a feel for this universe.

_Hope is the thing with feathers_

_That perches in the soul_

_And sings the tune without the words_

_And never stops at all.”_

_― Emily Dickinson_

The grand house looks lonely. 

Marianne Allard laughs at her silent observation. She is an art school graduate working for the local museum conservation group. Her father (owner of the gallery she will one day inherit) always teases her for having a sentimental streak that makes her perfect for the role of restoring the past. Marianne feels the familiar rush of anticipation at the treasures that this house will contain. The assignment is slightly unusual, but the potential client is making a considerable donation to the museum in difficult financial times, exceptions are possible for people with enough influence and power. Her middle-class roots revolt against such exceptionalism but wealth is the lifeblood of this profession so she cannot be too resentful or at least not in public. 

Bridgette Laurent a woman who has ancestors that trace back to the most significant events in modern French and Italian history wants her family paintings in the hands of professionals, and the ones that need restoring will relocate to the Allard Family Studio. The house is in the remotest part of the Britany coastline, so a mobile studio is set up her in one of the rooms. Some of the paintings are too old or fragile to move quickly. Some of the work will be stabilizing pieces for the relocation. Marianne isn't one for gossip or scandal, but the death of this woman's eldest daughter was all over the internet, and a nasty court case follows where privacy is nothing but an illusion. The fate of artwork and heirlooms was of little concern in the immediate aftermath. 

Marianne feels the weight of such history on her shoulders. Restoration can go wrong very quickly if the wrong person undertakes the position or they lack experience. Her father is trusting her to keep an extremely wealthy woman (and old friend) happy with painting restoration. This commission is the first time she will do a working sabbatical since the drama with her ex-boyfriend who conveniently forgot to mention a wife and kids. The solitude and the expectation will do her mental health a world of good. 

Her new client is heartbroken. 

Since she was old enough to walk and move safely around the space and equipment, Marianne has observed many types of people that seek to restore art. As with most things, there are stereotypes about the endeavour but in her experience clients are usually perfectly decent, moderately wealthy people with a passion for art. Her father is an expert at handling all sorts of egos and expectations. Marianne doesn't have those people skills yet, and the job at the museum in the backrooms suits her personality. This assignment will be her first job handling the situation from beginning to end. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn't have this role, but her father and The Countess (his nickname for her) are old friends. The noblewoman trusts the Allard name above all else. Technically the title is purely ceremonial but the woman bares nobility in her every movement. 

The woman standing on the steps looks grand and imposing, worthy of the write-ups in all the magazines. Marianne is no judge of such things, but her outfit looks more expensive than some of the works in the museum, and her hair and skin seem to defy age. Marianne feels underdressed in her work outfit, carrying her oversized bag with tools and spare painting clothes. The bulk of the equipment is already in the house, but Marianne has a few favourite brushes and gloves that are hers alone. Marianne squares her shoulders and prepares to meet her new employer without showing apparent nervousness. 

"Young Marianne, your father speaks highly of you and your talents in this profession. I am hoping you can work your magic here." the woman speaks flawless French but with an Italian accent. 

"I fear my father is unquestionably bias when it comes to me, Madame. The only one of his children to display a passion for the work. His imagination would have me performing superhuman feats on the Sistine Chapel next." Marianne jokes with an affectionate smile. 

"A sense of pride is a parent's prerogative but do not sell yourself short, Miss Allard I have seen examples of your work. You have a natural talent for restoration." the older woman disagrees softly. 

***

The silence in the house is heavy. 

Marianne is familiar with working in quiet spaces and keeping her own company. Most of her undergrad years are a blur of grunt work for the head curator and endless evaluations. Her father's name opens some doors for her, but Marianne didn't want her opportunities to rest of that alone. She wants to prove her own style and techniques away from the Allard name, even though she adores her father. Old spaces don't scare or intimidate her, nor does she feel the need to fill in the silence with conversation. Her friends from boarding school like to joke that she could give a meditating monk a run for his money when it comes to contemplation. However, she is simply one of those people that do not mind being alone and remaining that way for hours. 

The silence in this grand old house is different in a way that is hard to describe. There isn't the usual to sounds of a house being alive, like doors, TVs or activity in the kitchen. The only occasional movement is Sophie, the Countesses assistant moving in and out of the room, bringing Marianne's latest projects. Even then, the woman glides unobtrusively and keeps the conversation to a minimum, although she speaks highly of working for the family. Marianne resolves to ask Sophie to a friendly lunch one day to get a sense of how she can best help the Countess beyond saving the paintings. Something else is going on here, and she doesn't want to trip over problems accidentally. There is another daughter in a household somewhere, but Marianne has yet to see her. 

"Do you have everything you need here, Marriane?" Sophie asks for the fourth time. 

"Yes, honestly everything is perfect, and I couldn't ask for better. Any additional work will happen at the studio. You have done an amazing job."

Marianne isn't flattering a client (although she isn't above such tactics). The room has just the right amount of light and mild temperatures. All her tools are lying in neat rows against the wall on tables. There is a long work station in the centre of the room with several paintings waiting for her attention. These artworks are ones that will take the most time and careful consideration. 

"I am so glad; this project will bring happiness to a place that desperately needs it." Sophie flushes as if now realizing she shouldn't reveal such personal information. 

The younger woman seems loyal and competent at her job while being genuinely found of both Bridgette Laurant and her daughters. It is Sophie who whispers the places in the house she should avoid and the topics that still cause pain. Many hauntings have no supernatural elements, Marianne is familiar with the heavy pressure of grief, loss and guilt. The elder daughter isn't here in a physical sense, but her absence lingers in every corner. 

***

"Do you honestly think these scraps of material are worth saving?"

Marianne jumps at the unexpected interruption to her second week in the household. Theoretically, she knows that she is not alone in this place, but it is hard to remember that when she sees no one for hours. Sophie and the Countess are away from one business, and Marianne earns enough trust to have a spare key in case she finishes working late. Some times she is staying at a local airB&B so that she face the long drive back to her apartment. The working hours were draining on the body, and her shoulders ache most evenings. 

The woman who makes the observation is breathtakingly beautiful and for a second Marianne loses focus from the painting she is carefully reviewing. Her intruder is the Countesses's youngest daughter, who is home from university to try and help her mother through profound grief. Marianne has a distant recollection that she is studying music and is a singer. She feels underdressed even though Heloise is in nothing but casual yoga gear and an oversized teeshirt. She resembles her mother has unique features as well. The artist in Marianne cannot help cataloguing her beauty in technical terms. 

"You are speaking to the wrong person about that, saving things that other people see as beyond savage is sort of my life work. I have a business card and everything." Marianne jokes with a relaxed smile. 

The casual remark causes Heloise to flush and shift in embarrassment, so Marianne moves quickly to wipe her hands an hold one out for a shake. After a moment's hesitation, Heloise returns the gesture with a nervous smile. The green shade of her eyes defy the many colour spectrums that Marianne is familiar with; within there is a profound beauty and sadness. The painter has the strange and doubtless foolish urge to try and banish that pain away. She needs to restrict her hero complex to works of art and heritage. 

"Everything is worth at least trying to save if you take the time to look, or least that is what my professor is fond of saying. The man has an idealism streak a mile wide, but I still like the sentiment." Marianne goes on to explain. 

"Funny, my therapist insists on the same notions." Heloise muses with a dark chuckle. 

"You aren't such a fan of the sentiment, then?" Marianne guesses, pushing her hands in pockets of her overalls. They stand there in awkward silence, struggling to find a topic of conversation. Ordinarily, Marianne has no problem making friends or even friendly acquaintances, but this experience feels different both on a personal and professional level. The lines feel blurry at the edges because she is spending time in this family home. 

"It's more than I have reason to be sceptical about if people want the saving in the first place, may I sit here the room has the best light." Heloise gestures vaguely with a book. 

"Sure I am not working with any. major tools, yet so you should be fine with the dust, stay for as long as you want." Marianne agrees eagerly. 

The silence that falls between them is surprisingly comfortable, considering they are strangers. Marianne soon gets lost in the rhythms of cleaning the portrait and gently removing centuries worth of dirt, grime and grease. Most of the paintings are in decent shape, but you cannot avoid the reality of daily living, especially during times when conservation was a distant concept. The only disruption to her work routine is the occasional turning of the page and Heloise muttering under her breath. The intensity with which her companion argues with the author makes Marianne smile, and she hopes this is a routine they can continue in the weeks to come. 

***

Marianne begins looking forward to Heloise appearing in the room each day. There is no rhyme or reason to her appearances and their topics of conversation range from their time in boarding school to the upcoming French elections. Marianne subconsciously starts to think of the stool in the far corner as her new friend's exclusive dominion. She doesn't say this out loud of course, but the light from the windows capture Heloise's blond hair perfectly. If she didn't have to be careful with the painting light levels, she would recommend that they open the blinds further. Heloise is quiet by nature and spends most of her time reading the classics in either French or Italian. 

"They are starting to look beautiful; these are paintings I have seen or my life but never took the time to notice before. It might be fanciful thinking, but do you think there could be a sight family resemblance?" Heloise asks gesturing to the painting. 

Marianne takes a second to consider the question earnestly. There is a thread of strong genetics with the woman in this family, even allowing for the artists being overly generous and erring on the side of presenting the most desirable features for the marriage prospects. Heloise bears the same stately grace even when she does her best to hide. 

"Maybe but I think access to modern medicine and skincare do you and your mother all the favours. You have great hair and eyes." Marianne insists as she works over a particularly nasty piece of grim. 

"What do you hum all the time when you are concentrating, it's been driving me crazy all week, and I can't place the music." Heloise's asks softly 

"I tend to hum subconsciously, but the chances are high that it was Vivaldi of some description. My father has the radio going 24/7 in his studio, and those are generally the pieces on offer." Marianne offers with a grin. 

Heloise returns her grin with a shy shrug and a delicate blush. While they have been unofficial roommates for a few weeks now but it takes a long time for the Countess's daughter to relax fully and talk more freely. Marianne is willing to give her that time because she knows what it's like to be the naturally shy one in the family. She has four loud and rambunctious younger siblings. Her father wants to joke that God gave him Marianne first and leaves her brothers and sister for his extravert wise. Of course, she doesn't know Heloise's personality well yet, and the tragic with her sister may be masking a different temperament. 

"You look like you are entering a whole new world when you work, as nothing exists beyond you, the painting and your tools. It's like every movement, and brushstroke is a mini work of art. You consider the different shades of blue for minutes at a time, and I can't distinguish the difference." Heloise comments without looking up from her book. 

"I guess that could be a good way to describe the process; it is balancing at between stabilizing and preserving the work while remaining true to the artist's intention. I could say the same about your reading; books transport you as well." Marianne returns the comment shyly. 

"My sister was the great hope in the family, brilliant, beautiful and a friend to everyone. She had her pick of jobs and rich, handsome husbands, which is still important if your last name is Laurant and your a from a particular part of France. My mother was making a significant investment in her future. I only have the energy for books, running and the whole being alive thing. Mother despairs at what to do now that she only has second rate daughter material to work with and time pressure." Heloise sounds defeated and resigned. 

"Don't speak about yourself like that; a parent will never trade in one child for the life of another; you are lovely without any comparison to your saintly sister. If your mother can't see that right now, that's not you. Its because she is lost in a haze of grief. As somebody who has lost a sibling, that's a dangerous line of thinking to go down." 

Marianne hesitates only slightly before reaching out and threading her fingers with the other woman. It takes a few moments, but Heloise's relaxes into the touch. Neither has any desire to let go. 

***

"Why don't you ask me about my sister and the family scandal?"

Its several weeks later and Marianne is taking a break after a long session with a particularly damaged and unsatisfactory restored painting of Heloise's earliest known ancestor. The work is delicate and frustrating. Sensing her difficulty, Heloise's invites her to the beach, which isn't strictly a private beach but may as well be with how remote the house is and how few visitors venture up here. Marianne feels that it is unfair that the Bridgette and her daughter won't have any support at this time. 

The fresh air is wonderful and helps to restore Marianne's energy, and she quickly kicks off her shoes to feel the sand between her toes. The waves and the birds but an ideal soundtrack to the walk. Heloise doesn't appear to enjoy the trail much; Her strides a purposeful and deliberate as if she is on a mission. Marianne wants to tell her she looks wonderful and lovely with the wind blowing her hair in every direction but falling in love with this aristocratic young woman is a terrible idea. She has fallen for the wrong person before, and the consequences are painful and humiliating.

"Because I know what it's like to be the subject of gossip and innuendo, it makes me feel vulnerable and exposed. The last thing I would ever want to is to inflict that one you." Marianne explains as she picks up a stick. 

"It's nice to have somebody who doesn't think of me as an Instagram opportunity or the source of money for their next venture." Heloise says softly "friends disappear after the first twenty or so awkward conversations." 

"Then they weren't real friends, to begin with, you are worth waiting for, and I've only known you for a few weeks. _"Absence is to love what wind is to fire; It extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great._ The same is for friendship, I think." Marianne rambles hurriedly. 

***

Heloise's kisses her on one of the worst days of Marianne's professional career. 

Of course, the two events don't connect in any way, but Marianne was feeling such intense emotion during both occasions that she will remember the moment for years and decades to come. Truthfully it wasn't an exceptionally skilful kiss, and Heloise's was trembling with nerves and uncertainty, but the intent behind the action was still genuine and sweet. Marianne feels self-conscious about her dirty and dusty appearance but cannot resist the urge to brush a hand through the other woman's beautiful blond hair. 

The day starts in a routine for this conversion project. She gets a heartsick phone call from her father just as she is mixing solvents. She can barely understand what he is saying. The words are a mixture of tears and anger. Somebody broke into their studio and wrecked the place. There is a right level of insurance, and for once they aren't protesting, pieces in there are irreplaceable. Marianne is most sick about losing her portfolio of more extensive works from art school that her father is in the process of framing for display. It almost makes it worse that these kids were just having 'fun' and it wasn't a deliberate attack or sabotage, all that work was in ruins for kicks. While she doesn't intend to make her living as a painter, this will always be her passion. She is too busy crying to remember that she misses a walking date with Heloise. 

"Hey are my ancestors more interesting than I am today, you are lucky my ego can take the blow, at least come out in the sun with me for a little while?" 

Marianne barely registers Heloise's teasing tone trailing off as she walks into the room. She bare notices the fact she is crying until Heloise is pulling her into a tight and hug and whispering words of comfort. The other woman doesn't know what is going on, but it almost doesn't matter the familiar feel of those long delicate fingers is all that matters. They are becoming good friends and perhaps something more, Marianne can think of nobody she would rather have to comfort her when she is so far from her family and home. After several long minutes, the story comes out in fits and starts. Heloise starts to swear under her breath but doesn't move away. 

***

"Can I paint you?"

Heloise looks genuinely surprised by the question, and Marianne is equally shocked at herself for making the request. They don't talk about the kiss or even the fire as they walk, Marianne starts to feel better for merely having the company. Her body is still flush with the prospect of kissing the other woman again, but she is too shy to ask, figuring it was a one-off pitty type thing. However, Heloise's is walking close to her, and their hands are occasionally brushing. Marianne burns with the desire to clasp that cold hand bring it to her lips. 

"What would you want to do that?" Heloise asks with no small amount of scepticism in her voice. 

Marianne feels a flush of embarrassment creep up her cheeks. Sometimes her artistic ways are difficult to describe. Occasionally geeks the overwhelming urge to paint a person or a scene. Heloise is amazing beautiful of course, but that has little to do with the request. The last time she felt like this, she had the urge to paint on a much older man in the park walking his dog. 

"Painting is my therapy, and my fingers itch with the urge to paint you, with just the right light in your hair. I know it sounds crazy, but it's all I can think about doing right now, even if the rest of my supplies are in ash. All I need for this is a few pencils."

"It doesn't sound crazy at all. Does that mean I get to touch you in return?" Heloise asks her voice barely above a whisper. 

Marianne barely has the urge to nod her consent before Heloise is pulling her in for a kiss, her gentle fingers wiping against the sudden tears on her cheeks. It takes Marianne a second to respond to the kiss in full, and she feels the taller woman stiffen in uncertainty. There can be little doubt that pursuing the attraction between them is a terrible idea. Each of them is reeling from personal drama and loss. Grief, loneliness and workaholic tendencies do not make a sound or particularly healthy combination. Marianne tends to alienate both girlfriends and boyfriends with equal ease, but she hasn't felt such a depth attraction towards someone in many years. The fact that this emotion feels like her last grand doomed love affair is not serving as a sufficient warning. 

"I wanted to kiss you the second you started to explain the comparative merits of different forms of canvas in saving paintings." Heloise's confesses with breathless laughter. 

"I wanted to kiss you the second you wandered into the room, daunting my life choices and profession in a single sentence. I almost ruined a delicate retouching when you wore that green dress." Marianne replies into her shoulder.

They manage to take a step back and stare at each, with emotion and desire racing between them. Now is not the time or the place for them to explore these feelings any further. Marianne watches in fascination as a blush continues up her companion's cheeks and down her neck. She desperately wants a cigarette, but that isn't a good look for a conserver. 

"Is there a faithful boy or girl waiting at home, being the other woman is not something to repeat, believe me, I speak from a position of experience," Heloise whispers with obvious insecurity in her voice.

"No, I am most definitely single, feel free to verify on whatever platform you like. My mother will happily tell you about my life story, including how much she worries about my lack of romantic prospects, but that still doesn't make us dating a good idea." Marianne differs gently. 

"This is probably the part where I offer a casual fling for the duration of your work here and my break for school. Years of therapy and many family issues is enough to teach me that I don't have the constitution for hookups, even with beautiful and mysterious artists who make me smile for the first time in months." Heloise comments her tone severe and hollow. 

"You are the closest thing to royalty that our country still has, and I am somebody who works with my hands all day, complete with peasant roots. This guide of differences only works out in the fairytales, especially now that I am rebuilding my livelihood. I'm not fun or exciting nor am in any state to rescue you from the tower, Heloise." 

"First, our country doesn't _have_ anything close to royalty, a significant portion of any history class covers a little thing called the Revolution, complete with title decrees and everything. Second, not that my bank balance should matter but I won't inherent till I am 35. Lastly, don't be arrogant enough to think that I _need_ rescuing or that you are the one for the job. I was rather thinking we can fitting our broken pieces together, are we worth conserving, Miss Restoration?" Heloise uses every one of her debating skills.

Marianne pauses for a second listening to the breaking of the waves and the distant cries of the birds. Her reasons for not falling into a relationship with Heloise are sound ones, but the other woman's words give her a tiny spark and thread of hope that maybe they can find solace in each other. 

"How about we head to dinner or lunch after you sit for your portrait, I tend to be old fashioned so it will take a week or so to get the main poses and colours." Marianne rambles self consciously 

"I would like that very much."

Heloise's words are simple and without infection, but they hold hands on the way back to the house, giving each other warms and reassurance, for the hard days to come. 


	2. The Painting

_ I am constantly trying to communicate something incommunicable, to explain something inexplicable, to tell about something I only feel in my bones and which can only be experienced in those bones. Basically it is nothing other than this fear we have so often talked about, but fear spread to everything, fear of the greatest as of the smallest, fear, paralyzing fear of pronouncing a word, although this fear may not only be fear but also a longing for something greater than all that is fearful.  _ Frank Kafka 

** The Preparation  **

Marianne is getting ready for her first date. 

She feels a little ridiculous staring at her wardrobe, trying to imagine the outfits in different combinations. All the effort is mostly for nothing; she will need a look without complications so she can easily change after the painting session. Not that she owns that many fancy dresses. Her sisters in law are always suggesting shopping trips that have little to no interest to her. She is regretting her stubborn streak now; their insights would make this process easier. 

Marianne is still vaguely stunned at the courage or madness that motivates her to ask Heloise for a portrait, let alone accept the dates. Her mother likes to joke, and gently mock the artist's passion and extreme tendencies maybe are the combination of these factors and the grief for the studio that is motivating her actions. Either way, she wants too halfway decent for her companion who has to date seen her in nothing more glamorous than a sundress under old painting gear. There is only one person she can think to call for advice and insights on this particular matter. 

"Hello Cherrie, did you father leave his phone buried under tarp again? I will grab him for you." her mother answers the phone with her usual mixture of cheerfulness and distraction. 

Marianne feels a stab of guilt at the comment even though her mother doesn't mean anything by it. She is her father's daughter in every sense of the word. Marianne was his little artist shadow from the moment she could walk safety. Her baby brother died when she was a toddler which sent her mother into a major depressive episode. Without a second thought, her father became the primary caregiver. While her mother recovers fully and dotes on her surviving children, the unshakable bond remains, especially now that they share the unshakable connection in the art world. There is no resentment from her mother, but moments like this Mariane vows to try harder. 

"No Maman, I have a date after work tonight, and I wanted to get your advice on what to wear. You have more fashion sense in your pinky than I will gain in a lifetime." Marianne says the words in a rush, trying to strike a balance between informative and vague. 

Mariane's mother works as an interior designer, and mutual work friends are how she came across Allard Studios. Marianne loves to hear stories about their early debates on the vague of art for staging purposes. Now that her children were adults and building their own lives, she returns to work parttime while supporting her father in the rebuilt and redesign of the family building. Marianne doesn't feel the slightest trace of embarrassment in asking her mother for such input. 

"Okay, then. Where are you going? How much time do we have to play with, before you are picking your date up? I have a working knowledge of your wardrobe, but we need a starting point." Madame Allard sounds a little like a military instructor on a mission. 

Marianne has a profound appreciation for the fact that neither her parents or siblings make any judgement about her dating life. Specifically, the gender of her partners. They both likely came from such liberal backgrounds, with gay friends and colleagues. Such a characteristic didn't matter more than love, especially after the loss of one child to circumstances beyond their control. Marianne could only hope that Heloise can develop a healthier relationship with her mother in the face of a similar misfortune still so close to the bone. Even if their time together is nothing more than a romantic and fleeting interlude, Marianne wants the other woman to find lasting happiness. 

"I like her, Mama," Marianne confesses the truth without conscious thought. 

"Well, then let's show off that glorious Allard bone structure to full effect than shall we?" 

Marianne laughs and dutifully recounts all the possible options. 

** The Placement and Pose  **

"Alexandre is my nephew and is coming to live with us in a few weeks."

It no longer surprises Marianne when Heloise reveals personal information without much context or warning. Currently, she is preparing the canvas and trying out different poses for the final image. Heloise has the natural look of a model even if she never has the confidence to pursue such a career. Marianne freely admits a bias when it comes to this member of the Laurant family, but any artist longs for somebody who is so willing to sit for hours in silence. So many people feel the need to fill the space with endless chatter. 

Marianne vaguely remembers seeing a little toddler in the back of Sophie's car a few times. Her artist's mind knows his blond hair and longer than average limbs, but she didn't pay much attention. Sophie is discrete and remains devoted to the Countess, so Marianne doesn't push for more in-depth information. Her infatuation with Heloise means she doesn't have much spare mental real estate to consider the matter in depth. Sophie plays a mean game of cards and has steadfast opinions on the  _ best  _ regions for wine but other than that she remains a mystery. 

"My sister and her boyfriend were in love, but that didn't mean they were in a healthy place or ready for everyday family life. Over the years she became an expert at hiding her pain and saying the right thing to all the specialists in France money can buy. I honestly thought she was finally getting better, but I was willing to overlook things. Towards the end, my feminist, pro-choice sister, chose to keep the baby but hide him from us." Heloise explains her voice carefully bland. 

Marianne can sense that Heloise needs a moment to collect herself before continuing, so she focuses on getting down her first outlines. She feels a thrill of excitement as she picks up her brushes again. This project is going to make for long days and strange hours, but it is precisely what she needs to banish the nightmares about the fire. The reflective time together will have value for them both as individuals and a semi-official couple. 

"One thing that I am proud of my sister for is that no matter how sick she became, she tried to stay well for her baby. When Cedric brought him to us, unable to cope, Alexandre was happy and bouncing. We were still in a haze of grief, and Sophie sand her parents were our saviours. They won't take a cent for his care." Heloise lapses into silence again.

"We don't have to talk about things all at once, Heloise. Painting like this is a slow process. Take as many breaks as you need." 

"Do many people confess to you during painting sessions and if so, what do you say?" Heloise asks curiously. 

"Not at all. My subjects are centuries old; it would be a little creepy if that became a regular occurrence." 

Marianne feels certain satisfaction when the flare of jealousy ease when Heloise relaxes into the posture. She enjoys the challenge of teasing and coaxing Heloise away from her negative or self-defeating thoughts. Maybe painting is a metaphor for starting to feel better and rebuilding everything from the foundation. She will remember this painting for the rest of her life, no matter where the art ends up. 

** The Process and The Posture  **

"Don't ever get botox, okay?"

As is her custom Marianne doesn't look up from the canvas until she finishes the section she is working. Despite their passionate relationship, there is no need to fill the silence with excessive talking or make out seasons (though those are lovely too). For their different reasons, both of them enjoy the comfortable space. 

"You are thinking about my future beauty regime because?" Marianne asks as she dips a brush in water and then wiping it on a rag. 

"The frown between your eyebrows is too adorable to loose to vanity and the way your eyes move to track the brush.." Heloise insists with enthusiasm. 

Mariane feels the now-familiar heat of a blush creep up her cheeks. For all their emotional intensity and deep conversations, they are not progressing this relationship with much physical intimacy. They are both damaged from previous relationships and life circumstances, especially the man that forgot to mention a wife. There is also the practical considerations of living and working under the watchful eyes of a French-Italian noblewoman who happens to be her new lover's mother. 

"Can I make a similar demand? Please don't dye your glorious hair."

Heloise is slowly relaxing into the painting afternoons. In a similar way to when Marianne is working on the family portraits, their topics range. Thee significant difference is learning when to push and when to back away. Heloise can master the ability to be right in the same room and a million away in her mind. She doesn't complain when Marianne insists they need to start again because the first draft is not forming correctly. If all her models were as calm and diligent as this one, perhaps Marianne would reconsider her career path. Her fingers are moving mainly from muscle memory and training; she barely looks away from Heloise. Surprisingly, the taller woman makes it a habit to try and break her concentration without ruining hours of hard work. 

"You only say that from afar. A lifetime from the by the sea does such curls no favours; then there is the wild wind. First thing in the morning resembles a birds nest. My mother despairs at her inability to tame it into a respectable bun." Heloise tugs one of the locks in question. 

"I'd be willing to take the risk, and there is nothing wrong with how your hair sits naturally. There is no need to fiddle with the look even though the habit is sweet." Marianne soothes with a charming smile. 

Marianne resolves to pay special attention to her hair in the painting. 

** The Perspective and Angles  **

"How are you feeling about Alexandre coming to live with you and your mother?"

"For the longest time, I was only an aunt in name only. My sister hid the pregnancy from us for so long, and we only learnt of his existence after her death. Mother was in no state to look after a child much less welcome one into the family. Sophie's parents were miracle workers when I was too busy being a coward." Heloise breaks the pose as she begins to wring her hands. 

They are taking one of their customary walks around the garden. The rain is light but building to a storm, yet Heloise feels the need to get out of the house. Marianne follows alone even though she is in the zone with a particularly tricky restoration of a church scene. She doesn't like the idea of Heloise wondering the extensive grounds alone trying to work out her nervous energy. The discussions about the family coming together to welcome the toddler home full time. 

"You will be a wonderful Aunt, but you don't need to rush things. They have a fearsome reputation, but kids at that age need love and attention." Marianne points out with an encouraging hug. 

"Marianne is right, but nothing is going to get better when you run away from every conversation about his arrival, Darling." The Countess comments from her place at the top of the garden. 

Marianne feels Heloise tense in her embrace, but she makes no effort to move away. Marianne doesn't is confident in her relationship and identity, but the judgement of Madame Laurant still feels disconcerting. They have no time for the dramatic conversation about 'intensions' isn't practical. Truthfully the head of this household tends to avoid spending much time here, and mother and daughter orbit each other in uncertain circles. Marianne wants to stand up and ease the tension, but she doesn't feel confidant or confidant entering another family dynamic. Her bravest gesture is to hold her hand tighter. She meets Madame Allard's gaze without flinching. 

"Marianne and I are going to have dinner in town. We can continue planning in the morning." Would you like me to bring you back a salad?" Heloise makes the statement with a piece offering with an affectionate smile. 

Marianne smiles when Heloise holds her hand down the path. 

** The Paint and The Placement  **

"I can't get the right shade of green for your eyes."

Heloise does her best to look gravely concerned about this difficulty, but Marianne does bring up this topic regularly. In her limited understanding, modern science and art could invent any colour. There were even podcasts about creating the 'ultimate black' or something. Green is one of the most popular colours, so surely it doesn't merit such angst and consternation. At the same time, Heloise enjoys how passionate Mariane gets about the subtle distinctions within and between the colour spectrum. For so long, all her emotions were dull and lifeless when it came to vital things much fewer problems on a smaller. 

"I've always heard that they are sea green or something like that. Isn't that a reasonably natural shade? Heloise asks with genuine curiosity. 

"Oh no, 'sea green.' doesn't even come close to describing your eyes. There is far too much gold in the in corners." Marianne sounds almost insulted at the notion. 

"Oh?" Heloise laughs with a smile and delighted laugh. 

Mariane comes closer and pulls her into a gentle kiss. The casual gesture of affection still feels slightly odd, but as the weeks pass, the notion is becoming more natural. Their relationship is still new, but she tries to make a point to help the taller woman become more comfortable in her skin. There is no comprehensive guidebook, but her efforts mainly involve kissing and touching in the breaks between painting and work. Of course, Marianne is self-aware enough to claim that this mini 'campaign' is remotely noble. Who wouldn't enjoy the opportunity to kiss a new lover at regular intervals while staying at a beautiful place? This time together is an artificial paradise, but that does not make the moments any less meaningful or restorative. 

"If I were still in school, I would write an essay on the topic." 

"If I were still in school, I would pay closer attention to literature class to be able to describe how you make me feel. To think all my friends seem weak when they describe grand love affairs. They would laugh at me now." Heloise confides with a sheepish grin. 

The two parts of Marianne's psyche are at war. She wants to continue this physical connection, but the artist in her can't bear to lose the light. She compromises by pulling Heloise over to the canvas. There is nothing more than vague impressions at this point, and she may have the opportunity to figure out what constitutes that green colour after all. Marianne needs to end the day on a productive note before they call for takeaways and pick a movie for the 'inside date.' 

** The Picture and The Passion  **

"Oh I couldn't love this painting more, thank you so much." 

"I should be thanking you. After all painting, you are my version of therapy to cope with the fire and my father's battle with the insurance company." Mariane points out with a self-conscious laugh. 

"How did you make me look less broken and hollow, it looks like there is almost colour in my cheeks," Heloise asks with genuine surprise in her voice. 

"Well that's easy, darling girl, I didn't need any special magical skills. There is nothing broken about you, except maybe the way you think about yourself. Even then, your thinking is pretty understandable given the circumstances." 

Marianne embraces the other woman from behind, resting her head on the taller woman's shoulder while gazing at the picture in question. Mariane usually judges her paintings with a critical eye, even after so many years. Her father may adore her and intend to keep Allard Studio in the family, but that does not mean he did not challenge her early efforts. While it was hard when she was an ideologising teenager, but now she is grateful for the toughness. Even with that in mind, she adores this painting, the vanish is still drying, and the smell is heavy in the air. 

_ "You have done an excellent job Marianne but watch the symmetry of the neck and collarbones. The angle is a little off. When do I get to meet your serendipitous muse, Darling? Bring her home of the holidays if you want she looks more interesting than Timothee's latest revolutionary. Love Papa."  _ her father would never perfect the art of text speak, and Mariane almost learns to enjoy the mini-essays. 

The Heloise in the painting is sitting in the corner reading by the large feature window taking advantage of the afternoon light. She is wearing one of her customary dresses with a multi-coloured shawl and the simple necklace that was a birthday gift from her sister. The image has small tributes to the styles of the past but does not try to emulate them entirely with a few modern touches. Marianne still isn't convinced that she captures the colour of Heloise's eyes entirely as she looks up from the book, but they are almost right. There was a limit to how many late-night phone calls her father was willing to take on the issue. The aspect that she is most proud is that while this woman looks sad, there is not overwhelming and obsessive quality. 

"I owe mother an apology for all the times I railed against her desire to save and restore antiques as her coping method. You are just what this house and all its inhabitants need." Heloise comments showing no signs of wanting to move. 

It would be too easy to slip into another too severe conversation about the past. Marianne sometimes worries that an artist isn't the person to bring another out of their melancholy mood, too suspectable to such things themselves. However, if you exclude the angst over her intense but damaging affair, Marianne manages to defy the stereotype mostly. She credits her mother's genes and a pack of rambunctious siblings for not letting her wallow too much. Besides, there were better things to do than watching paint dry in the genuine sense of the cliche. 

"Did you promise me a giant ice cream cake as a reward for finishing the portrait? Then maybe we can find a romantic movie to see before a walk on the beach?" Marianne suggests knowing she is drawing out the date but not caring. 

"Come on then, Starving Artist."

***

Their dates are going well from Marianne's perspective, but it still feels surreal. 

Despite their differences, Heloise doesn't want to go too far from the house and her mother. Alexandre is coming to live with them permanently in a few weeks, and there is plenty to arrange. Mariane will finish the first part of the project before then. All the paintings will relocate to a temporary studio for restoration. Heloise guides through local eateries and her favourite takeaways. The locals already know Heloise and are welcoming to Mariane. Their hours are odd and between Marianne's official job. However, they always find something tasty to share, both of them surprisingly hungry after a day of painting and posing. The final portrait will be ready for coating in the next few days. Heloise is almost wild with curiosity. 

"Will you do a small self-portrait for me, like the women in the Regency novels? If it won't take too much time? I know that mother is in love with your work and my commission you for the rest of the century. Or at least until Alexandre is 18." Heloise asks shyly as a blush suffusing her fair skin.

"You want a token of affection, Lady Laurant?" Mariane tases lightly before squeezing the other woman's hand affectionately. 

"Something like that," Heloise whispers with a shrug but she doesn't pull away. 

Heloise is still acutely self-conscious and insecure in the shadow of her famous family. During their many conversations, Mariane learns how heavily her sister's emotional decline and eventual death. In a way, the relationship is developing faster than typical under the intensity of the fire, family drama and the introduction of the new family member. Truthfully Mariane is enjoying the heady rush, but she is conscious of encouraging the taller woman to seek support from other people. Overreliance and dependence aren't sustainable and only remains romantic in the books. Sophie is providing a vital role in that sense. 

"Artists have plenty of sayings and insider jokes about our ability to genuinely perfect self-portraits; it's not my strength. You could have a million perfectly filtered photographs in the time it would take me to finish one." Mariane points out practically. 

"No! My sister died in part because too many thousands of photos exist of her with even worse captions. France claims decent laws for its citizens, but there was little for my sister. She couldn't go a day without some inference about the poor little rich girl or her latest relationships." Heloise manages to lower her voice after the first outburst. 

Marianne knows that she could argue that circumstances aren't the same, but she only wants to comfort her friend and new love. She silently pulls Heloise over to the nearest park bench before handing over tissues from her pocket. One of the things she likes the most about their experience is that they can sit in silence for long moments and wait for the deep sorrow to pass. 

"Give me a page number from one of your classical books; it doesn't matter which." Marianne requests when her companion is calmer. 

"Page 28 from Myths and Legends." Heloise offers obediently without much thought. 

"Okay, I'll make you a deal. If you go for 23 walks with Sophie and Alexandre and  _ consider  _ doing three seasons with that psychotherapist you respect but avoid with dedication. If this would incentivise the notion, I will draw you a little sketch every day to make you smile, maybe in the therapy journal that lies without a mark. In my mind " Marianne coaxes softly. 

"You don't need to offer such a labour intensive blackmail. One painting will be persuasion enough. What's the point of living so close to the glorious beaches if I don't take advantage of it to get to know my nephew at the same time?" Heloise manages a watery smile. 

"It's not hardship believe me. The idea of entirely blank pages offends the artist in me. All my school books have doodles in the margins. The primary object of my affection was a friend was gloriously long red hair. She was tragically straight, but it did provide useful training in shading." 

Mariane isn't confident that her impulsive offer will achieve anything in the end but a few hours doodling in the pages of a notebook is a small price to pay for making her companion smile. Further, seek silence outside the house and away from the dramas of Greek tragedies and ancient languages. As she tries to reiterate in many different ways, there is nothing wrong with Heloise methods of coping but Marianne knew for experience that hiding in a bubble (no matter how lovely) could not last forever. 

"Despite the unglamorous look of bursting into tears on at the end of every other outing, I will be or at least start to be. Mother's social circle won't be raving about my eloquence and charm anytime soon, but at least now I can talk to Dr Chambers without a vice around my voice box and lead in my bones." Heloise whispers while resting her head in Mariane's shoulder. 

"Well if The Countess follows through on her promise to anoint me the saviour of French-Italian oil paintings then maybe we can have our next dinner dates in my hometown. We don't have anywhere never the views or history, but I can promise that the new Allard Studio will have a reading corner with your name on it." Marianne promises faithfully. 

"When are you leaving?" Heloise asks, unable to hide the dread in her voice. 

"Whenever the museum calls me back, and the team needs all hands on deck. I'll know for sure when I see the state of the last five paintings. Your mother promises they aren't from the attic, but I have my doubts. The last few weeks have flown by in something close to 'Brittany Time.'

"Perhaps Mother doesn't want to see you leave anymore than I do, which would be the first time we agree on my choice of companionship." Heloise points out sardonically. 

"We don't need to consider such things yet. There is work to be done, and I promise to fill you at least the first of those notebooks before I leave, maybe a few of you and Alexandre. Even when we do say goodbye are parting doesn't need to resemble Orpheus and Eurydice doomed to eternal sorrow. Despite our ludite reputation, people in the restoration world have, access to and an appreciation for, the wonders of technology." Marianne offers the reassurance with a kiss on the cheek. 

In Marianne's experience optimism about relationships is a dangerous thing, but at that moment, it is worth the risk. 


	3. The Foundations

_ "There is no such thing as a "broken family." Family is family, and is not determined by marriage certificates, divorce papers, and adoption documents. Families are made in the heart. The only time family becomes null is when those ties in the heart are cut. If you cut those ties, those people are not your family. If you make those ties, those people are your family. And if you hate those ties, those people will still be your family because whatever you hate will always be with you."  _

_ ― C. JoyBell C.  _ Poet and Novelist 

Marianne Allard is not somebody to do anything by half measure. 

Her mother likes to joke that her birth was an exercise in extreme passion and high drama, which should have been a clue. The precision and borderline obsessive that is inherent with restoration suit her personality. Marianne spends more hours than is strictly healthy finalising the details of the last five paintings from the attic. They are all in moderate condition, but the amount of dust still makes Marianne cringe a little. The gallery in the long hallway will be the centrepiece of the restoration project. Alexandre is too young to appreciate his grandmother's efforts or family history in general, but they will be his legacy. 

"Everything looks wonderful, Marianne. Thank you for going above and beyond with the new placement. I can walk these halls with pride again. The payments doesn't cover half your time and energy. Are you sure you won't accept more?" Brigitte asks not for the first time. 

"No Ma'am, if you feel like doing something more, please feel free to donate to one of the local Art Therapy programmes. They are always looking for cash and connections." Marianne insists surveying the space with a critical eye. 

The two women walk up and down the hall stopping at each of the newly placed pictures. They are roughly in chronological order from newest to older ancestors. The air is still heavy with the smell of varnish and new wood. The light coming through the high windows are perfect for showing off the work without damaging the original work. 

"It's lovely to hear Heloise's laughter echo in these walls again. It feels like years since I've listened to the sound from my bedroom. I can only assume that you will spending more time here on a social basis?" The Countess asks tactfully without looking away from the art. 

"If that would be alright with you, Heloise and little Alexandre when he arrives?" Marianne asks, trying not to sound too meek. 

"I learnt long ago that trying to interfere in my daughter's lives and personal decisions on leads to heartache and confrontation. Making my daughter happy is no small achievement, especially in the last few years. Heloise still feels the pressure of expectation I gave up long ago. " 

Brigitte says nothing else but Marianne knows better than to question this tacit acceptance. Neither Heloise nor her mother communicates openly with each other. Things are getting better with the common ground of Alexandre and Sophie. The concept of Romeo and Juliet is only truly romantic in fiction. Any successful relationship will need to operate with parental approval and family engagement. Marianne knows that winning direct support will be a long game. 

** Fundamentals of Introductions.  **

Heloise and her mother are not ready for the arrival of their newest family member. 

There is an argument for the fact that waiting for them to be ready for the introduction is an exercise in futility. Both woman a too lost in their grief to truly emerge and engage in the process. Sophie is the one who starts to make the house toddler-proof, efficiently sacrificing beauty in the name of safety. The Countess may wince at the appearance of plastic baby gaits everywhere and alike, but she doesn't complain. The grand old mansion needs as much work and tender consideration as her occupants. Her father will never say this out loud, but Marianne suspects that half the reason for her unusual assignment is to provide company and a listening ear. It's simply luckily that she can express companionship through the medium of art. 

Her siblings find her infatuation with her latest muse to be a source of endless amusement, not that Marianne goes into detail. One of the drawbacks of coming from a large and boisterous family is that they like to stay in touch. Since the Laurant Restoration consumes 80% of her time, it naturally comes up in conversation. 

"Do you think he will like me?" Heloise's voice sounds weak and uncertain over the phone. 

"Oh Heloise, of course, he will, but this won't happen overnight. He doesn't know you yet much less than you are his aunt. Toddlers need stability and routine so focus on providing that for now. Sophie and the rest of the team will be there to help out." Marianne soothes longing to reach through the phone and provide physical comfort. 

"He has been an abstract concept for so long. The idea of having a living link to my sister and once she loved so much, is daunting. There were so many mistakes..."

"Building a life with Alexandre is a good thing Heloise, he is something positive to put in all your energy and love into, even if it doesn't work magically right away." Marianne repeats the same reassurance from days ago. 

"Sometimes I worry that all members of our family a broken in these secret places that are just waiting for the right stressor to break, like pottery in the wrong kiln. Alexandre does not have the best genetics on either side. There is plenty of darkness in these halls. " Heloise continues sounding lost. 

"Broken isn't the term I'd use. Stress cracks and impressions can often make a piece of art to extend the metaphor. Alexandre is too young to be projecting a fate onto him yet. He will have the guidance of a strong foundation. Unlike your sister, you are able to recognise the need to get help and change your routine." Marianne debates the point while keeping her voice even. 

"I cannot say that the change was for noble reasons, mainly it was an excuse to engage with a beautiful conserver with passion for Dutch canvas and quality oils." Heloise points out her cheeks colouring with a pretty blush. 

"The end result is still very much the same." 

** Fundamentals of Familiarisation.  **

Heloise is true to her word. 

Marianne desperately wants to be there to see Alexandre settle into his new home. She feels like she knows the little boy through so many pictures and discussions with Sophie. However, at the same time, it is vital that the family of three of having the chance to connect. Besides the artist wasn't lying when she talked about being at the whim of her main employer. There is no such position as Conservator in Residence anymore. There is a new exhibition getting ready to be on display and all hands on deck for the last preparation. The Countesses's influence has its limits in this regard. 

The photos of Alexandre's first day in the house are heartbreakingly beautiful and sad at the same time. While Heloise may be weary of photography in general, she relents for the sake of keeping the connection. She invests in the best encryption and phone security. 

Alexandre is the spitting image of his mother and aunt. These moments are a long time coming at it feels good to have a small hand in helping this family back together. It's early days, but all three seem to be adjusting well, and Sophie will leaving on schedule every evening. Marianne looks forward to the images of Heloise and Alexandre every other day. 

A part of Marianne is hesitant to 'blackmail' Heloise into seeing the therapist. For one thing, it is arrogant to assume she has the power to know what is best in this scenario. She prefers to think of their potential relationship as a catalyst for change. Heloise has all the puzzle pieces already; she needs something of a 'life muse' in much the same way her father's friends seek artistic inspiration. 

_ "My first appointment is at 1pm on Tuesday."  _

Marianne grins when the text follows a picture of an appointment card in her neat handwriting. Heloise will be working therapy around a busy schedule once the semester starts, so it is a safe idea to start the introductions now. In a way, this is one of Heloise first steps back into the real world away from grief and despair. The exclusive education and focus on history and the classics did not prepare her for the family name. Marianne hates to think of her lover in such terms, but the Laurant line did contain the heir and the spare mentality. Brigitte isn't the first of her wealthy clients but its the first time seeing things up close. It doesn't matter if the matriarch regrets this belief system now, the damage is done and is need of mending. 

" _Pretend you are talking to me; all they want to know is how you are coping and how they can help. Trust me as a veteran of the therapy game. You have all the language to make this work."_ Marianne texts firmly. 

_ "I don't think I'll be able to mistake you and 60 year old Nigerian man but I take the point. He seems like an understanding and respectful person."  _ Heloise agrees quickly. 

" _Let me know if you want me to meet you after for coffee or something. We don't have to talk about anything serious."_ Marianne offers. 

The drawing Marianne chooses after that conversation is two people (vaguely recognisable as variations of themselves) sitting in a Parisian cafe eating from the famous towers of brightly coloured and intricate designs. Even in miniature, she works hard to get the details of Heloise correct, waiting to convey how she views the other woman when she can't find the words. 

** Fundamentals of Intimacy  **

Marianne is ridiculous nervous about meeting two- year -old. 

It's been a little over a month since Alexandre Laurant came home. While there are definite speed bumps and teething problems (literally and figurately), the family is adjusting. Marianne delights in seeing a new side of Heloise as she embraces the role of an aunt. Her lover still spends long stretches reading in isolation, but she manages to build her nephew into the daily routine. The therapist recommends a similar structure to Marianne, without the romantic incentives. Both Heloise and Alexandre will be starting new classes a the beginning of next term. 

" _Come for the next walk with us?"_

On the surface, this question is a straightforward one, but Marianne still feels a twinge of nervousness. The first early weeks of their relationship were in relative seclusion and were already a set routine. There were art and the high emotion of sharing secrets over dinner. Developing a depending connection as Heloise enters a new phase feels significant. Marianne holds out a private hope that she can invite Heloise to the Christmas celebrations at home in a few months. Their relationship consists of many milestones at meeting Alexandre in person feels like a big one. Unlike other members of the family, the young boy will not be going to boarding school. 

" _I'll be there next weekend. We can collect some more shells for Alexandre's room. I can finally bring down the presents I'm stockpiling for him."_ Marianne tries not to sound too eager when she replies. 

Heloise's only reply is a string of cheesy emojis. 

Marianne itches to spend time with Heloise again in the unique sanctuary of Brittany. Even in the stormy weather of early winter, they can't do the regular walks along the coastline. There are so many places and avenues to explore. The artist in Marianne itches to paint the new scenes that include Alexandre. Both Brigette and Heloise are finding joy in their days again, even if their grief is still profound in most moments. The introduce media that both women fear so much seem content to leave the family alone out here. At least until something more noteworthy happens. The threat of Laurant legal action still holds with the privacy laws. 

" _Don't let my mother corner you with plans to restore half the galleries on the coast. You aren't on call 24/7 and there are other people with your particular skill set."_ Heloise instructs firmly 

" _With my wit, charm and ability to get the absolute best out of my subjects, living or long dead?"_ Marianne teases back she doesn't mind the art enthusiasm too much. 

_ "Of course not. But I want to keep such things all to myself for a little while, even if all my competition is 250 years old."  _ Heloise confesses with a sheepish emoji 

Marianne laughs and promises to relax and have a holiday. The next image she crafts is of Heloise walking alone on the beach in a long dress from the profile perspective. The details of the coastline are tricky to get right at this scale, but Marianne can almost feel the sand between her toes. She enjoys the challenging of capturing Heloise from this angle and spending the evening getting the exact shade of blond for the hair tumbling down her back. It's important to Marianne that she appear tall, proud and erect, not unlike many of her ancestors. Heloise deserves not to feel the weight of despair in her posture. While these images were a whim, the skills training is useful. 

** Fundamentals of Testing Boundaries.  **

Their first meeting as a group of three does not get off to the best start. 

Alexandre is cranky and restless, not even the familiar lapping of the waves seems to soothe him. Heloise tries everything short of bribery to calm her nephew down. Their vision of a romantic stroll is looking less likely with every footfall. Marianne doesn't mind overly much; she learns from her mother and cousins that children sometimes cry for no apparent reason. However, Heloise is sensitive to his moods, perhaps haunted by her fruitless efforts to soothe her sister not so long ago. 

"Here, give him to me. I'll walk him for a while." 

Marianne makes the declaration with more confidence than she feels. However, his cries aren't affecting her on the same emotional level as Heloise, who holds herself to ridiculous standards at the best of times. The weight of a toddler is unfamiliar in her arms, but it only takes Marianne a second to adjust. Running on instinct, she starts whispering reassurances and nonsense. Alexandre is competitive and wriggly, but at least he stops screaming at full volume. 

"I already tried all that, What is your magic touch, Allard?" Hoise asks crossly. 

"Well for a start I had had more sleep than every member of the family combined last night. There is no magic in in my approach just a level of distance." Marianne explains bouncing Alexandre rhythmically as if to prove the point. 

"I would disagree with the magic part but would you mind holding him for awhile?" Heloise pleads as she reaches down to collect another shell. 

Marianne's arms are getting a little tired, and the sand is soft enough to make walking a challenge, but she isn't going to object. Alexandre is starting to cooperate and is no longer a dead weight under his giant sun hat. The boy has more sun protection than most professional surfers, including a fetching number of blankets and shade covering. Bridgitte is uncertain if they will raise him here exclusively in relative isolation or maintain a house closer in the city. Whatever decision he will be a water baby by default even if it is only the local leisure centre. 

"Sometimes I think he is grieving his mother like the rest of us, do you think that's possible with how young he was when she died? I swear he is looking at ghosts in the shadows" Heloise asks in a tremulous voice. 

"I think it would be foolish to underestimate the impact of that first connection, whether it be ghosts or tricks of the light, your sister would be proud to see how her son is thriving. I don't think grief is a science with a formula and affects every human soul different." Marianne muses 

"My therapist says restoring the heart and mind isn't unlike putting the pieces of an old or broken painting back together. You need the right individual tools, materials and conditions. The most crucial element is time and letting things develop in time." Helena offers the words shyly if not certain of her reception. 

"I like the metaphor but the human condition is far more challenging to discect than portraits." Marianne agrees with an encouraging smile. 

"Its difficult to measure progress, but I don't wait up with a clawing sense of dread anymore. Mainly I want to introduce Alexandre to the day and see if you have done any more cartoon adventures. Even studying doesn't feel like scaling a mountain in a storm anymore." Heloise continues with a trace of optimism in her voice. 

"I am so proud of you for sticking it out even through the difficult times, even when they were _all_ difficult times." Marianne beams happily. 

Naturally enough, her next drawing captures nephew and aunt together. The perspective is too far away to convey the details, but the viewer can see a happy boy playing in the sand, with his caretaker sitting next to him. Both figures have bright blond hair that is ruffling in the wind. The light play makes it a personal favourite. 

** Fundamentals of Routine and Connection. **

Marianne keeps her word, as well. 

By the time Heloise finishes her first round of therapy, three of her therapy notebooks have unique doodles in them. Marianne wasn't joking when she claimed to have no particular talent for a self-portrait. Instead, she compromises and draws a series of cartoon versions of them both in various scenarios with little messages of love and affirmation. There is no particular skill in such work, but they seem to serve their purpose in delighting their recipient. Marianne wonders if she is dooming herself to thrice-weekly doodling for the rest of their relationship, not that she minds.

Marianne visits Brittany every fortnight or so, and in between times she mails the drawings, mainly so that Heloise will have the excuse to open them with Alexandre. The Laurant family home lends itself to old fashioned gestures like hand mail. There is even a letter tray from the original owners. Heloise develops something of a passion for finding and polishing the pieces from her ancestors. The Countess seems bemused by the change of heart but doesn't dissuade her daughter and nephew from afternoons polish silver. 

_ "I think you restored our family along with the vanity portraits of old statesman who would disagree with the fall of the Laurant Household."  _ Heloise jokes after therapy one day 

" _I think you and your mother are strong enough to find your own way. It sometimes takes an outsider perspective to remind people of that fact. My job revolves around learning little details and applying."_ Marianne disagrees. 

Marianne finds the long-distance relationship aspect a challenge, but the artificial intensity of their weeks together restoring the paintings could never be sustainable in the long term. Heloise has old friends to reconnect with no she is feeling better and there is a whole new work of activities with Alexandre. Brigette is back to working full time, but Sundays are for outings and family-friendly activities. Sophie is becoming a true friend to Heloise and another role model for Alexandre. 

One of her favourite things is watching her thrive in a series of random photographs keepsakes, from the intake form for university or Alexandre at playgroup. The techniques keep him out of focus but get the main point across. The images present a timeline of a gradual recovery in a visual medium. Marianne almost wishes Heloise would consider a social media page but understand her reasons against it. 

Marianne likes to reflect these outings in her drawings and picks three or four to turn into pieces for Heloise. Her favourite is one that captures the family at a museum, with the large skeletons of animals in the background. The shadings and colour selection come together well to capture the whimsical moment in time. It's refreshing to work in the lighter paints than true oils. There is a freedom in touching the paper so lightly in whatever way imagine takes her. 

_ "You creating quite the tribute to her aren't you, my darling?"  _ her mother comments when looking over her shoulder. 

" _the definition of a muse."_ Marianne grins bashfully in response. 

***

"Do you have time for a dinner break or is the Duke being stubborn?"

Marianne starts at the innocent question, but she doesn't turn away from the painting she is carefully restoring. There are just a few touches to finish up before she is happy to stop for the day. The exhibit pieces are looking wonderful, and Marianne is feeling a surge of satisfaction at a job well done. Even though working for Brigitte Laurant was a wonderful experience, the museum is truly her home ground. All her colleagues have gone home for the night, but the paint damage of this particular French noble won't leave her alone. Heloise is hanging back respectfully at the boundary that separates the climate-controlled room. 

"What are you doing here? I was driving up tonight?" Marianne asks without diverting her attention from the portrait.

"I didn't want you driving after such a long day at work. Besides, I couldn't resist the opportunity to see you in your natural environment. We did talk about me coming down one day." Heloise starts to sound less confident with every word.

"Are you kidding this is the best surprise after a long week. I can take you to my favourite resturant for a change." 

Heloise smiles broadly at seems content to stand and watch as Marianne reviews the work with a critical eye before adding a few final touches at the edges. Marianne has street clothes in her locker and will need to do something with her hair before being seen in public with her stylish lover. Heloise is dressed casually by her standards and her fashion sense gears towards kid-friendly now. But her fashion game still runs rings around a person who spends her workday in a modified labcoat. 

"Give me 10 minutes to start looking presentable and to grap your present." Marianne instructs gesturing vaguely at the main reception area in the back of the museum. 

"You didn't need to get me anything and you look wonderful, Darling." Heloise protests affectionately. 

"Hush. You are biased - for the first two months of our relationship, all I wore was painting smocks and outfits suitable for the village. If we are going to on a real city date than let me be my mother's daughter for once." Marianne insists as she moves towards her tiny office. 

Marianne takes an extra few minutes to apply makeup that Heloise got her for last birthday. The foundation and blush feel good on her dry skin. Hours under special lights are great for century-old canvases but not so wonderful for their human custodians. Spending time with Heloise and her friend group is a good way to explore other sides of herself and appreciate the joy simple changes can bring. Heloise gift is sitting on her desk seeming to represent such gestures and a new step towards boldness and artistic freedom. 

"What's this?" Heloise asks as she accepts the package. 

"Well, you did make one request of me at the begining, Aunt Heloise. I knew this wouldn't be something to present you with at the resturant. You saved me a nervous trip to Brittony" Mariane points out using the new title affectionately. 

Heloise looks a little nervous as she opens the square package in the plain brown paper. The dimensions and weight are familiar, but she still gasps when the wrapping falls away to reveal a self-portrait of Marianne. The size is perfect to fit in a draw or on the bedside table. While the gift is a little old fashioned, but it fits perfectly with the rhythm of their relationship. Marianne captures herself with all the exquisite details that Heloise is starting to adore about her, especially her high cheekbones and tumbling loose hair. Heloise cannot resist running her fingers along with the image, as if she could feel the details beneath, the frame is a non-descript silver one. 

"Do you like it?" Marianne asks anxiously. 

Heloise only answer is to pull her into a long kiss that would scandalise the museum's conservative patrons. 


	4. Connections By Degrees I

_"Action on behalf of life transforms. Because the relationship between self and the world is reciprocal, it is not a question of first getting enlightened or saved and then acting. As we work to heal the earth, the earth heals us._ Robin Wall Kimmerer _Braiding The Sweetgrass_

Heloise is slowly becoming a fixture in the real world. 

Marianne often wonders if the two of them would ever meet if it weren't for a particular set of circumstances. France works hard to portray at least _a_ _sense_ of egalitarianism with opportunities for all. However, the chances of her meeting the daughter of one of the most influential old families were vanishingly small. She doesn't even do the private restoration work that is unexpectedly a hit YouTube and social media now. Marianne knows she was adamant (to the point of bossiness) about Heloise leaving the mansion. Differently, she is equally guilty of having the same tendencies. 

One of her maman's biggest fears is that she is falling into an old fashioned apprenticeship with her father as her ancestors did for many generations. The moment Marianne displays both the talent and patience for the work, her every waking spare moment is wound up in art. Her papa was never pushy or demanding, but it becomes easy and almost seductive to waste away the hours in the studio, only emerging for mandatory dinners and time with the family. Marianne cannot and doesn't claim to have any balance in her life, but her mother at least gave her a grounding in life outside restoration. 

"Are you sure about joining your family such a big celebration? I do not wish to intrude after monopolising your time for so many weeks." Heloise sounds genuinely concerned. 

"Partners are an intricate part of any Allied celebrations. Besides, my Maman wants more photos of Alexandre to coo over. You will be a welcome addition for everyone but especially me." Marianne leans over and kisses a pale check. 

"Okay, wow, this feels like a pretty giant step, but I'll be there. After all, you are at the frontline of my efforts to put this family back together. The least I can do is show your family the person who spirits you away to places unknown most weekends and every other opportunity. " Heloise agrees as she took a fortifying breath. 

"I may be the baby of my siblings, but everyone has more or less accepted the passage of time into adulthood. The premature wrinkles and calculus from so much close canvas work most likely help my case a little." Marianne gestures to her check with a theatrical flourish. 

"Don't say things like that! You are lovely now with every imperfection, and you will continue to be beautiful 40 or 60 years from now." Heloise insists tucking on that hand and bringing it up to her lips for a kiss. 

Marianne laughs obligingly, but more words stick in her throat. Heloise's casual confidence and proclamation make her start to long for a genuine future with her, A life that may involve all decisions both hard and mundane. There is a distinct possibility that Marianne will undertake a sabbatical in Northern Italy to continue postgraduate thesis work. She is struggling to work up the nerve to ask Heloise to rent a cottage with her during the semester break. 

Their relationship appears to be going from strength to strength, including slowly introducing members of their friends and family. There are more good days than bad and minor arguments are easy enough to settle. Marianne still keeps up the mindless sketching in the corners of her lover's therapy journals, and the themes become a running joke between them and possible Heloise's therapist. 

***

"I thought you would find time to slip away, what are you looking at?" 

Marianne asks the question as she slips into her childhood bedroom, being the youngest it took years for her to get the space as a private domain. Her mother insists on keeping many childhood keepsakes and displays of her first efforts as an artist. Privately, Marianne winces at the lack of technical skill in these works, certainly in comparison to some of her colleagues and friends. However, the pride of her parents is not something to trivialised. It's wonderful to have a sentimental place to come back to, this sprawling, messy place that holds generations Allards couldn't compete with the grandeur of the estate in Britany but there is an ephemeral quality. 

Heloise seems lost in thought as she lays on the bed staring at the ceiling. Marianne quietly observes her girlfriend, waiting for her to come back from whatever daydream has caught her attention. There is no sign of tension or nervousness in her actions, but still, Marianne feels protective towards this unexpected treasure in her life. After a moment's hesitation, she joins Heloise on the bed, content to wait her out.

"Nothing in particular, just trying to imagine a young Marianne sketching up here and getting away from the noise. I like seeing all the little keepsakes and pictures." 

"There wasn't much escaping for me; I was mainly in the thick of it causing trouble, with ink-stained hands and all. Papa kept me in art supplies to prevent more broken limbs." Marianne chuckles at the memory. 

They keep a respectful distance apart in unspoken agreement that this is time for taking not more pleasurable pursuits. Getting lost in the passion is a constant, burning temptation, but Marianne knows first-hand that allowing desire to consume you makes the foundations unstable. Her ill-fated affair with somebody else's spouse is proof enough of that reality. If this relationship is going to have any chance of surviving it will require patience and careful tending, just like the painting she works with every day. The metaphor is imperfect because Heloise is far from broken, no matter what herself image, but Marianne still engages some of the skills in these situations. 

"I can't imagine you being a terror, inventing ways to torment your siblings." Heloise confesses before returning the smile. 

"and I like to imagine you as that careful girl, running on the bed. There is time now to learn those useless bits of information about each other. Now that we aren't sequestered in the castle, I can focus on _you_ and not your musty ancestors." Marianne returns, shifting a little closer. 

"Your family is wonderful, loud but wonderful." 

"That's going to be on our headstones I think. It wasn't always this way; happiness was a hard-won fight, just as yours will be." Marianne replies with absolute conviction 

***

"Believe it or not we were once a happy family as well, complete with parties and celebrations."

"You as part of a happy family is not hard to imagine at all, Heloise. The resiliency and gentleness you all have shown while welcoming Alexandre is proof enough of that. The halls of your home look like a baby city." Marianne tries to tease a smile. 

"Sophie still deserves much of the credit for that reality. Maman and I are still stumbling along, trying not to scream at each other too regularly. Alexandre is young to be taking on the responsibility of peacemaker, but it works nevertheless." Heloise demurs with a helpless shrug. 

"No, she doesn't, Sophie is a part of the link that holds everything together, not the whole foundation."

"You artists and your pretty words."

Marianne carefully puts down her fork to give Heloise her full attention. Her lover is watching the children play in the front yard, during the 'no screen time' rule. In truth, most of the Allied family is athletic and relishes the outdoor scene anyway. Even though she is the subject of teasing for a sedentary lifestyle, Marianne can, in fact, hold her own. She plans to join in the games in the afternoon and take her youngest nieces and nephew to the community pool. 

"My sister was very talented at many things, including hiding her pain. There are stacks of happy photos albums in the attic, especially from before Papa died. There were so many days of fun and joy. I was free to choose any path, knowing that my sister was the modern heir that everyone wanted and needed for modern inherited wealth in France. Our gatherings wouldn't look much different from these and my mother was itching to hold grandchildren the your Maman does, is all so different now." Heloise explains with a dreamy, not her voice. 

"Those memories are still real, sweetheart, even if the ending is too horrifying to comprehend in any meaningful sense." Marianne insists reaching out across the table to hold a clutching fist. 

"My sister went out after those long days at the beach with us take drugs. The mask was so complete with only realised something was seriously wrong when she had a particularly bad trip. No amount of journaling or therapy appointments is going to help me truly understand that or feel any less angry at the deception. 

"Nor should you, anger is okay. There is nothing wrong with mourning the life that is no longer yours, the sense of powerless and despair is something you may feel indefinitely. My parents will never reconcile the loss of my earlier siblings to genetic conditions." Marianne replies softly. 

"The garden your mother built for them is wonderful; I hope Mamam finds the strength to do something similar for Juliet one day, once the emotions are less raw. Something to show to Alexandre when he is old enough to understand." Heloise whispers to herself more than Marianne. 

"That seems like a wonderful idea." Marianne encourages gently. 

***

"Do you think the old adage about genius and madness is a default setting with artists?"

Marianne has resolved with her mother not to have an 'art holiday' meaning to stay away from the home studio, Heloise is curious about the space and asks for a quick tour. After all, this is the business that Marianne will one day take over from her father and either use for a private restoration company or continue his commission. The senior Allied has many good working years left, but Marianne is still proud of the legacy they will create together. 

"I think that the idea of the tortured genius with seven ex-wives and resentful kids gets far too much air time and hashtags. There are plenty of such types who adore their families and work hard to create a stable environment. Frank Lloyd Wright and Vincent Van Gogh were only two men." Marianne comes up to stand behind the taller woman. 

"I wish Juliet could have met you and seen how happy you made me. She always worried my solitary nature would lead me to the Abby by default. As much as I can ever claim to know my sister now, she would like you, I think." Heloise confides as she leans back into the touch. 

"Well, I am extremely likeable as a person. Can there be any doubt, after seeing the Allad as a group." Marianne jokes lightly before leaning up for a kiss. 

The studio is as much part of her childhood has the family home not two blocks away. Therefore it only seems logical to give Heloise the complete tour. The last of the Laurent portraits are hanging for shipping. It's one of these that captures the taller woman's attention. Marianne knows these images almost as well as she knows the features in the mirrors at this point. She is just fanciful enough to imagine she can see tracers of the Laurent women in their ancestors. She was taking into account the sympathetic renderings but artists paid to conceal flaws. There is still something of the cheekbones and eyes. 

***

Heloise's laughter is echoing in the backyard as she becomes the principle playmate for the youngest family members. 

Marianne is joining in these particular adventures, wanting to spend some quality time with her mother and sisters-in-law. Both of the latter are pregnant and the same time and therefore exempted from the major activities of the day. Marianne sees her wider family so rarely that is a pleasure to catch in an informal setting. Most importantly, everybody takes to Heloise like they have known her for years. If they realise that she has a level of celebrity stature, it doesn't show. The conversation remains like and full of laughter; Even if there is always an element of sadness in those green eyes. Marianne itches to capture these moments on the page. 

"Your Heloise is a keeper if she manages to where those two out so thoroughly." Annalise jokes as she waves towards her children.

"She is pretty wonderful; she even puts up with my straight hours and the fine layers of painting dusk that usually coats everything that I own. We seem to be getting on well." Marianne feels a light flush colour her cheeks. 

"Awww, its cute to be able to tease you about such things, normally we are the ones with social lives, while you are picking up awards and carrying on the family name." Bella gently punched Marianne in them shoulders. 

While the main purpose of the trip was to introduce Heloise to all the family, there are many other benefits. .She is learning the little details that don't come out at births, weddings or funerals, it looks like her oldest nephew might be the next artist in the family, and she offers to start basic lessons if he wants them. 

"Well, every time I turn around there seems to be a new job or child to celebrate so its nice to contribute to the social calendar somewhat. Thank you for being so welcoming, she was nervous." Marianne confides, twisting her hair back in a self-conscious gesture.

"She wasn't the only one; you haven't been this jumpy since the interview for the museum. As with that, you were worrying about nothing. Heloise past the test with flying colours." Annalise proclaims with the authority of the top CFO that she is between children. 

"Which means our husbands can stop planning creative ways to murder The Lecturer. They are a pair of suits and most likely wouldn't outsmart the police force. Not that we wouldn't help them bury or burn the body. Once an Allied in for life, Dartanion, musketeers and all that." Bella jokes with an undercurrent of seriousness. 

"I love that you guys are willing to go to jail for me, the odd ball of the bunch." Marianne says with genuine affection and emotion in her voice. 

"Please, your siblings hide it better for the day jobs. You are all eccentric and on other planets half the time." 

***

"Nobody wanted me to marry your father. The situation wasn't nearly as romantic as Shakespeare, and his admirers like to pretend." 

Marianne blinks in surprise as she hands her mother another plate. They are standing relative quiet doing the chores together. Everybody is sleeping off the heavy meal or talking quietly in the living room. Naturally, her mother is in charge of keeping everything running smoothly in the background. Marianne sometimes wonders what her mother's ambitions were before having children and a secondary career, but from all accounts and her childhood, theirs is a happy and nurturing marriage. 

"What do you mean? Your family adores Papa; he's particularly the favourite son." Marianne 

"Oh yes everybody adores him, always have always will. That didn't mean they thought he made for a good husband. There were too many rumours about debts, trists with models and the wild nightlife at art school. We had to do plenty of sneaking around into your father established himself as able to provide for a family, we had Henri already by then." there is a nostalgic reminiscence in her voice. 

People tell stories of how in love the Allard were long before saying the vows over twenty years ago. Maman is still Papa's favourite person to paint even if she doesn't have the patience to pose anymore. Part of the reason it was important to have Heloise here today was to join the two most important aspects of her life together, a new relationship and the family who is the centre of her world. It may be an old fashioned notion, but Marianne doubts she could truly love somebody her family didn't approve of at least in a general sense. 

"Why the trip memory lane, Maman? Are you Feeling sentimental with the arrival of not one, but two children on the horizon? I think Papa will need to build an extension onto the house at the rate or let there be sleepers in the studio." Marianne asks cheerfully. 

"That will be a debate for another day, but I remise because you look at Heloise the same way your father once looked at me at the same age, with the same artist's passion. It is like looking into the past, my darling." 

"and that's a bad thing? You opinion of her has changed over the last few days?" Marianne feels herself stiffen defensively, and she prepares to argue the point. 

"No, quite the opposite darling, I think Heloise is a wonderful girl who makes you happy and you both connect on a profound and creative level. My concern is that this world will be cruel to you both, especially when Heloise starts spending more time in public." Madame Allied begins wringing the dishtowel nervously. 

"I know Ma'am but Sophie and everyone is being very supportive and the Countess almost smiled at me twice last week." Marianne tries to lighten the mood. .:

"There are still those that resent your position at the museum since those problems in graduate school. Are you both ready to stir that up again? A relationship with a reclusive socialite will not stay under the radar. 

Marianne fights the urge to laugh bitterly at the understatement of calling the situation 'problematic'. Her foolish affair with a brilliant but married man held all the usual promises for an impressionable young artist and none of the follow-through. When things become public, she was alone and ostracised from the wider social circle. There were rumours of pregnancy loss, but nothing that could be put before the court. Thankfully a written statement was enough for divorce proceedings. 

The marriage ended acrimoniously, and her former lover no longer wanted anything to do with her or seemingly the country of France. The public confrontations with his wife and teenage children will haunt Marianne for the rest of her life, as they should. Her parents spent many months putting her back together, so they have a right to concerns about a new and intense relationship. 

"The situations couldn't be more different, Maman, we are working to be stronger together. Heloise encourages me every step of the way; she doesn't ask me to hide or be different. We are both a little or allot broken. Like the Kintsugi pottery, we are building back together stronger with golden threads." Marianne shrugs and smiles, hopefully. 

"I trust you, darling, but just know we are here for you day or night. Even the strongest Kintsugi design needs a compassionate guiding hand." 

Marianne's only answer is to hug her mother tightly and promise without words. 


	5. Connection By Degrees II

_"When we least expect it, life sets us a challenge to test our courage and willingness to change; at such a moment, there is no point in pretending that nothing has happened or in saying that we are not yet ready. The challenge will not wait. Life does not look back. A week is more than enough time for us to decide whether or not to accept our destiny."_

_ ― Paulo Coelho, The Devil and Miss Prym _

Heloise Laurant is finding her strength and foundation. 

Marianne private believes that such attributions were always a part of her lover's makeup and constitution. It is a lifetime of being in the shadow of a brilliant but deeply troubled sibling merely fed an inherent shyness. The combination of intensive therapy and new aspects to focus on helping to ease those pressures and fears. Alexandre is proving a fantastic addition to the family dynamic in predictable and unpredictable ways. The Countless appears years younger with a new grandson's energy to care for, and the tension between mother and second daughter is less suffocating. 

"Madame Allard, may I ask you for advice on an upcoming project? 

Marianne's mother is careful not to show her surprise and finishes her coffee before gesturing for the conversation to continue. She intends to keep her word to Marianne by supporting and nurturing them, both as individuals and together. In her opinion, Heloise could use all the mothering and tender attention on offer. This choice is far from the uncomplicated relationship the Allard family longs for, after the Professor, but Heloise is at least honourable. The occasional catch-ups over lunch are becoming a highlight. 

"Maman and I wish to create a charity in my sisters' name, partially using the money that would have been her inheritance, specialising in life mentoring and support for mothers with mental health struggles." Heloise begins nervously. 

"A noble goal and something for young Alexandre to be proud of as he grows. There is a great need there, especially with the economic pressures in reason times. Mothers are feeling the pressure from many sides. " Harriet agrees, nodding enthusiastically. 

"I am glad you think so; the idea has been a focus for mother, and I share that doesn't involve sniping at each other or having disagreements about my future." Heloise confesses with a sheepish smile and helpless shrug. 

"How can I help? Marianne and her Papa will happily donate art and photography, of course." Harriett begins without bothering to consult her daughter. 

"It's more of practical concern Charities and NGOs, even the ones famous names attached are commonplace and come and go from the headlines on an almost daily basis. Especially if it represents something as comparably niche. We want this venture to be a sustainable legacy for Juliet, her torments and triumphs. Using your considerable talents as a designer, can you help us launch the concept, event and space in a way that will attract backers? My sister had such a sense of style and fun; I want to reflect on the project." Heloise lights up at the prospect of the project. 

"Oh, Heloise, I would be delighted to contribute to your mission. Marianne has told you about my struggles after our youngest child's death, yes? Our son would be nearly 20 years old now, a young man," Harriet says softly; her voice is catching familiarly even after so many years. 

"Yes, I think that is one of the reasons that Marianne and I connect so well. She understands grief but still finds a way to make the world seem less grey and bleak. Her restoration has done more than restore the likeness of my ancestors. It's almost a restoration of the heart." Heloise says an embarrassed flush is covering her checks. 

"A restoration can only happen if the foundations or bones of the painting are solid. You give me too much credit when you were strong enough all along." Marianne starts to repeat an old argument. 

Harriet feels torn between smiling, scowling or sighing. Her youngest daughter is a dutiful child, but she is unwilling or unable to heed the warning about passionate, artistic love affairs. There is every possibility that Marianne will be continuing the family tradition of marrying at a young age. 

***

** The Concept **

The Countess is an intimidating person, especially when she has a goal. 

"If we are going to do this, it is only going to be the once. I worked incredibly hard to keep both my daughter's names out of the papers and the media glare. There are legal advocates on retainer. If we are going to stir up the hornet's nest again, it will be for a good reason." The Countless makes the demand in absolute terms. 

Marianne ideally wonders who she is directing her comments at; there are a dozen people in the room. Each has an interest in the Laurant family experience, from various backgrounds and purposes. Naturally, Sophie takes on the role of introducing and arranging everybody for maximum effect. It takes a particular person to standby the formidable matriarch through the worst times. Marianne isn't entirely sure what she is doing here, but she is somehow an acceptable shadow for Heloise wherever she goes, including initial business meetings. 

"The Juliet Laurant Foundation is going to form an umbrella charity that acts as funding source for smaller groups or agencies that are doing the work, both in France and internationally." Sophie takes over, turning on a PowerPoint. 

Marianne listens as they go through the history of specialised mental health services and where there is the most need. The problems seem daunting, but Sophie does an excellent job of putting these slides together at short notice. There is already a logic and colour scheme reflecting both the family crest and Juliet's favourite colours and artists. Marianne feels Heloise tends beside her when they show Juliet and Alexandre's images, particularly a few of her journal poems. Everyone is going to need to adjust to the dialogue, but it is still daunting. Heloise grips her hand like a vice. 

"The Foundation will focus on four key areas. 1) Sustainability for Existing Programmes 2) Lobbying for More Services 3) Fundraising for Resources in at-risk areas 4) Fundraising for Initial Capital for a Maternal Mental Health Crisis Centre. These are all wishes expressed by Juliet in one form or another through her journals." Madame Laurant keeps her voice from shaking, but it is a force of will. 

"My daughter never got the chance to be a mother; she would have been a wonderful one. I watch to allow other women to carry on her hopes." is the closing remarks. 

***

** The Presence  **

"No, absolutely not, I will do anything but that, Maman. You have been the face of the family for years; let's continue that tradition." Heloise sets her chin stubbornly. 

"Heloise Eliza Laurant, you will do this; your duty to the family and sister demands it. It is my money that allowed you to wallow in grief, seclusion and borderline agoraphobia. Not many in your position could do so without concerns about money and reputation." Madame Laurant hisses impatiently. 

"The Laurant sense of duty is what got us in this mess in the first place." Heloise shot back. 

Marianne winces, knowing that Heloise's mother is taking precisely the wrong approach. The nickname of 'The Countess' is a fine one, but Heloise will not respond to such comparisons in the 'Suffering Olympics'. Her sense of duty is uneasy enough without bringing in such unhelpful prospects. There is such rigid tension in Heloise's limbs that Marianne can see she is practically shaking. This stance is about much more than simply avoiding publicity. Marianne's only hope is that mother and daughter do not undo all the good work in these therapy sessions. 

"Talk to her!" Madame Laurant waves her hand at Marianne before storming out. 

"Your mother cannot be the face of this foundation, Dear Heart. At least not yet. It will provide a service for women with children, especially young mothers. A charity for young people needs the insights of somebody at a similar age. Besides, I think this experience will be a good one. Did your therapist talk about wanting you to find a to honour your sister?" Marianne asks gently. 

"He was talking about finding the strength to visit her grave more often and share stories with Alexandre. Those things are worlds apart from becoming a spokesperson." Heloise insists with a scowl. 

"Your words about your sister are beautiful and heartfelt, Heloise. It's simply a matter of letting more people hear them. I will be there, drawing random pictures and talking long walks with you. Don't think about doing this for your mother or a sense of duty to the family name. This speech is a final gift for the sister that you love so much."

***

** The Space.  **

Marianne Allard enjoys the opportunity to watch her mother work. 

Harriet Allard is moving around the estate rooms that will become The Julliet Laurant Foundation's temporary offices. While the charity is still fledgeling, there is no need for the expense of permanent office space, not when there are so many spare spaces in the house. Somehow it seems a fitting tribute to the woman in question, considering many of her formative years were here in Britney. There is enough financial backing to bring a small team to get the charity off the ground. 

"Come, Darling, hang the photo of Juliet for me. It needs to take pride in place before we begin anything else. The light needs to be perfect to capture the full beauty." Harriet calls, subconsciously echoing her husband. 

"Yes, Maman." Marianne agrees, trailing her mother with the frame. 

Her mother would have done this work pro bono or only charge a nominal amount. She is passionate about many humanitarian causes. However, The Countless will not hear of such things and insists on offering the full rate plus a discretionary budget. Harriet Allard is an in-demand interior designer in her own right. This project's spending will be significant; the investment will be worth it in the coming years. Still, Marianne can sometimes find the difference in their status to be daunting. Heloise may feel they are on equal footing, but it's not entirely true from the lower station. 

Marianne smiles when her mother begins giving her detailed directions and instructions, down to the slightest movement left and right. It feels like she is back in the gallery as an intern. Her parents' role reversal feels a little strange; being in her mother's professional domain is a novelty. The two Allard women work well together as a team, moving furniture, setting up working desks and placing a few plants. Soon the three rooms resemble a modern office space, with plenty of light and connections with the rest of the house. Marianne blushes when Heloise on hanging on her paintings. 

***

** The Narrative  **

"I can't do this Marianne. My sister was a messy, complicated person. There is no way I can sum everything up neatly." Heloise frets as she paces the floor. 

"You are going to be talking to a journalist with a passion for human interest and health. She won't be asking you to tie everything up with a neat little bow. This interview is simply an introductory session, not the full article. It's not even about the foundation specifically, it’s a broader article on maternal mental health." Marianne explains again as she moves to intercept the pacing. 

"My throat feels like it is full of lead or in vice every time I mention her name, much less talk about the worst years. How am I going to do that for an hour?" Heloise whines almost childishly. 

"You can talk about this fine when we are alone; remember that I am in the room. I'll sit behind the interviewer, watch me the whole time. Pretend that there is no one else in the room. I'll even work to get the paint shavings out from under my nails." Marianne promises, leaning in to kiss her. 

"Okay let's start there." 

Marianne smiles when she feels the familiar itch in her hands that singles the desire to paint. Her girlfriend may be a nervous wreck, but she is still strikingly beautiful, all the more so for the emotion that she allows Marianne to see. The outfit is designer but casual, an Oxford white shirt with dress slacks and a bright green shawl. Marianne doesn't know the rationale behind such choices; she appreciates ascetics but has no fashion talent. It is a relief that Heloise doesn't need to worry or obsess about the specifics of her appearance. 

"I love you."

"I intend to show you how much I love you once everybody leaves, including anyone in your mother's employ." Marianne promises with a suggestive grin. 

"Well then, I better do such a good job there is no need for the dreaded debrief meeting." Heloise leans over and gives a gentle kiss, mindful of the makeup. 

***

** The Launch  **

Everything comes together in a matter of months. 

Marianne Allard is certainly not naive about the power and influence of true wealth. Working in her field, you see people willing to hand over ridiculous sums of money for the faint hope of restoring a piece. There are limits, but plenty can happen if people are willing to pay for time and materials. The same principles appeal to building a charity, only one much larger and grander style. The Countless believes in paying full rates to everybody who gives the project time and the return of such dedication.

The Juliet Laurant Foundation's launch is a suitably grand affair, mixing new and old wealth. Influential members from across party lines and affiliation mingle and eat the fine food on offer. Plenty stop to admire both the sea views and the art on offer. Marianne isn't paying much attention, but everybody seems willing to engage and pledge their support. Thankfully she isn't in charge of judging such things. Her only role is to serve Heloise's date, something she will do gladly on any night. 

"My daughter did not die because of a failing in the system. She was fortunate enough to receive the best help money could buy offer many years. In the end, nothing could drown out her pain. Far too many women face even steeper odds without the benefit of timely interventions. Juliet's foundation will seek to address these many inequalities on a nationwide scale. Thank you for coming to our home and the new headquarters to celebrate the launch. 

Heloise manages to maintain a soft and safe smile on her face as she stands beside her mother. The beautiful blue dress contrasts with her skin and eyes in the most pleasing. Marianne cannot wake to dance with her and make the taller woman smile. Her hair is starting to tumbling from the messy bun and touch her shoulders. The Countless will not enjoy such a reality, but Marianne thinks she looks wonderful. 

Marianne has to admit that her mother has done a fabulous job creating the new office and modernising parts of the old mansion. She feels irrationally protective of the space where she and Heloise spent so much time and fell in love. The house is still grand but has a more lived-in feel, especially now it is the permanent home of a toddler. There is plenty of room for both the small family and the few staff. Most of Marriane's favourite places remain untouched. There are still breathtaking views of both the gardens and cliffs. 

***

"My mother is such a good liar." 

Marianne feels dread coil in her belly, but she tries not to show any emotion. She and Heloise are walking along the beach, listening to the waves crash in the moonlight. Thankfully they are alone; the last of the launch party guests is long gone, besides most respect the sanctity of this private beach. Heloise somehow manages to stride on the sand, an impressive feat in a dress and heels. Marianne is thankful she thought to bring a heavy shawl. Hopefully, they can sit down and talk properly once her lover gets this off her chest. 

"That speech was so pretty and got plenty of people to pull out their wallets, but it isn't true. If not the health system, a system did fail my sister than the impossible demands of an archaic and dying class structure that had no place for such a gentle soul. There were plenty of warning signs, but my mother and I both missed them. Juliet's facade was too good right until the end. How can she say her oldest daughter got the best help?" Heloise's voice rises painfully and sharply. 

"I think that both realities can be true, Sweetheart. Your sister got the best help that money could provide, _and_ she still couldn't be the pain. It doesn't mean that the mantle of failure lies with anyone." Marianne repeats a familiar debating point. 

"Can you stop sounding like my therapist and act like my girlfriend, hand me a cigarette." Heloise all but demands crossly, reaching for the pack they both pretend isn't there. 

"The Countess doesn't deny reality; the ambitions for the foundation need a particular message. That is, there are systems available. Don't vent at your mother because she is a coinvent target." Marianne insists while digging for her lighter. 

Predictably Heloise's hands are shaking too much to strike a flame effectively. Marianne gently takes it back and pockets both items later, then pulls her taller lover down onto the sand, next to their favourite rocky ledge. Thankfully the temperature and wind are mild enough that they can stay out here for a while without completely ruining expensive clothes. There is no need to inflame the tentative peace between the Laurant women by running amuck. Marianne will always treasure this beach and the meaning it has for them both as friends and lovers. 

"I want my sister to more than a collection of photographs and a few quotes under a logo. It's not remotely fair; Alexandre deserves real memories with his mother, not a shiny legacy." Heloise breaks down into real sobs. 

Marianne is sadly familiar with her girlfriend losing a grip on her emotions; they are heart breaking to witness but healthier than living in eternal denial. She gently wraps the shawl on her shoulders before rearranging their limbs so that Heloise is against her neck. Marianne whispers words of comfort that don't necessarily make sense, but Heloise slowly starts to relax, her sobs becoming quieter, and they focus on the sounds of the sea. 


End file.
